i’m gonna rant about being a junior in high school and all the things people expect from me and how i feel about it okay sorry xoxo

all the teachers and our counselor have been telling us since the beginning of the year that junior year is the most important. that colleges look at it really closely and you need to start figuring things out this year. you start taking the ACT or SAT and start thinking about college and your career and what you want to do with the rest of your life. granted everyone has been on my ass about all of that since day 1 of freshman year, so it’s not really new. it’s just more looming and important now than it was 2 1/2 years ago.

but i feel like the only person who has absolutely no fucking clue what they want to do with their life. almost all of my friends and almost everyone at school seems to know what job field they’re wanting to go into, have an idea about the college they like, have at least something planned out about their future; and i just don’t know. i don’t know where i want to go to school, i don’t know what kind of job i’d even enjoy, i don’t know anything about what i want to do with the rest of my life.

and even with not knowing anything practical, people always say “follow your dreams” “do what you truly want to do” and i can’t even do that because i don’t have a huge, out of the water, ridiculous dream that i could attempt to follow. i don’t have a once-in-a-lifetime-chance kind of dream to try to grab a hold of and pursue.

it’s just, everyone expects you to have things figured out at 17-18. they want you to know what school you want to go to, what job you want to do for the rest of your life, your whole future planned out when you haven’t even graduated yet, and not knowing makes you feel really awful. quite honestly, i can’t even see a future for myself. i can’t see myself being 20 years old, in a school somewhere studying something. i can’t see me being an adult, doing adult things and having responsibilities. i just can’t picture myself having a future.

i don’t know, i was just doing a lot of thinking and this got so long now and i don’t know how to wrap it up. growing up sucks, i don’t recommend it





01 Mar 2013 0 notes

TAGGED: this is so long wow. if you read this you deserve a medal. personal. like mad personal oops.